Just Jenn

30

2007-10-19T23:33:00.000-07:00

Well, the Summer of Jenn has officially come to it's conclusion. My 30th birthday bash was a blast. I had over 55 people in my house and I was surrounded by so many people that I love. My friend from work, Eryn, came and got to meet all of my friends. My long ago friends Heidi and Jaclyn came with there husbands as did my bestest friend in the world, Christina! She came all the way up from Florida. She brought her crew so there were about 7 people that I didn't know there. My linkgroup came to represent and a ton of other Horizonites. My whole immediate family was there including my mom and dad! I am such a blessed girl to have such a community of people surrounding me. I know I am the woman I am because of there influence.
So many people have been asking me what it's like to be 30 years old. I don't really know how to answer them. I don't really feel any different. I am still passionate about the same things and still spend my time doing the same things. I have accomplished more than I could have ever dreamed by the grace of God. I am so curious to see how the next 30 years will play out.
Later
Jenn

check it out!

2007-04-05T17:18:00.000-07:00

Ok sooooo...I have decided to journal about my Summer of Jenn on this new blog. Check it out...I'll be posting my activities in red by the list item and then journalling about the experience on summerofjenn.blogspot.com
Later people!

The Summer of Jenn

2007-03-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

So, I have decided to deem this summer "The Summer of Jenn". "Kind of selfish" you say. Well really it is a title thought up by my linky co-leader, Ryan while talking about all the things I want to do this summer. I have decided, in "The Summer of Jenn" to do all the things I have always talked about wanting to do in a summer but just seem to continually put on the back burner. I want to try and experience/accomplish certain things this summer and want to include people to come join me as I work toward my goal.
I plan to kick the summer off with a planned event and end the summer with a big 30th birthday bash. Below is a list of the things I want to accomplish this summer:

Dinner Party at my house
Vacation by myself--I leave for the DR, Punta Cana on April 21st and will be staying there in an all inclusive resort for 6 days. I'm going by myself and am going to have a blast.
Road trip--woo hoo, I have the oppurtunity to go to NewYork with Shannon and Beth Ann for Beth Ann's Birthday on May the 18th and stay tll May 20th. Yeah! Roadtrip!
Camping
Day of Hiking --went Hiking on June 14th with Casey. Sweet time!
Party in my back yard --So Friday night June the 22nd I threw a huge party in my back yard. I invited everyone I had a number for and left the rest up to word of mouth. It was awesome!
Friday Night at the Italian Film Festival in Downtown Little Italy with Gelato from Vaccaro's --A bunch of us are going to the first showing on July the 6th...you best be believin' I'm gettin' me some Gelato, Hun!
Day trip to Annapolis
Day trip to DC to see museums??? etc. Yay!!! Jackie and I went to DC museums on Monday April 9th. My first Summer of Jenn activity! What a fun way to kick it off.
DC ZOO--On September 20th abunch of friends and I went to the DC ZOO! Yay!
Night at the Harbor including Federal Hill--Dan, Ryan, Jay and I went to the Harbor Saturday, August 4...we totally just goofed around! It was awesome!
Night at Bengies Drive-in- Fun!!, Saturday (June 2nd) they are playing Shrek the Third and Pirates of the Caribean, At World's End...back-to-back for $8. Bunch of people are going...I'm gonna have a corndog. Yay!
Red's, White's and Bluegrass Sunday's at Boordy's Vinyard 1-5pm, $10/person--so I have decided that I'm not going to drink anymore except maybe only with my husband (one of which, by-the-way, I don't have right now). So this one has to be cancelled from the list.

Learn to play the guitar
Eat Crabs
Weekend in Deep Creek
Roller Skating- looks like my neice is having a party at the roller rink in Severna Park on Saturday, May 5th. Fun with family!
Dining out at the Cheesecake Factory- My grandparents and Aunt Donna are in town and they want to go to the Cheesecake Factory. We are going to go this tuesday, April the 17th. Happy time!, my second Summer of Jenn activity.
Dining out at the Melting Pot-- Saturday, July the 28th a bunch of us went to the Melting Pot in Towson. Total Blast!
Ladies Sangria Night --can't do this one cause as of June 27th I'm not drinking anymore ...wanna know why...just ask me! I did have a regular ladies night on June the 10th. That was fun but I didn't take any pics.
Go shooting at a gun range
Picnic at Loch Raven Resevour
Read all of the Harry Potter Books-2 down/5 to go...
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
" and the Chamber of Secrets
" and the Prisoner of Askaban
" and the Goblet of Fire
" and the Order of the Phoenix
" and the Half-Blood Prince
" and the Deathly Hallows
Day at the Renessaince Festival and ride an Elephant
Trip to the Aquarium--Cassey and I went to the Aquarium during the day on the 19th of July. We had lots of fun and i got to see the new Australian exhibit. :o)
Coffee and Veggie Bagel at the Daily Grind
Grilled Cheese with Tomato and french fries at the Paper Moon
Rock Climbing-This is not an original Summer of Jenn activity but it was Melissa Hartley's idea and I have never done it before. Aaron, Melissa and I went on a whim this Sunday, June the 3rd...had a blast.
30th Birthday Bash!!!

Well, I am up open to any recommendations. I'll be callin' alot of you guys to "come-with" on some of these and I will check them off as I do them. Let me know if you have any ideas...help me fill out my summer. Later

Ignorant!

2006-10-09T16:58:00.000-07:00

Ok...so I am involved in a learning cluster where I am learning more indepth about the New Testament... History, Politics, Geography...you know context and stuff.
In short, I believe that I am reminded, not just as I study but on a daily basis just how much I don't know.

Fike and Dana Band's "You Are There"

2006-09-06T21:21:00.000-07:00

Speak to me; I am listening for your heart, Lord.

As the psalmist spoke, so I speak to you.

Teach me your soliloquy of your mercy.

I have held my own.

Now, I yield to you.

I know who you are.

I know who I am.

You’re the Son of God

You’re the Son of man.

All I want is just one finger to touch your robe.

All my life I’ve heard all these empty words.

In your eyes I see something more to me.

All I want is to get close enough to know you are there.

You are there.

Oh they laugh at me, but it has to be that your presence is the only thing that’s worth living for.

Oh they scoff at me.

It’s got to be that you’re better than just about anything I have sold you for.

I know who you are.

I know who I am.

You’re the Son of God

You’re the Son of man.

All I want is just one finger to touch your robe.

All my life I’ve heard all these empty words.

In your eyes I see something more to me.

All I want is to get close enough to know you are there.

You are there.

Speak to me I am listening. I’m your child.

Break the chains of all I see.

Speak to me come deliver me from exile.

Take the pain away, oh and set me free.

I know who you are.

I know who I am.

You’re the Son of God

You’re the Son of man.

All I want is just one finger to touch your robe.

All my life I’ve heard all these empty words.

In your eyes I see something more to me.

All I want is to get close enough to know you are there.

You are there.

2006-09-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry this was a picture of me that I couldn't figure out how to post on my profile without deleting. I think I figured out how to delete it. Cause...well...it's gone. So....o.k. then!
Thanks for the comment though DCCowan...nice touch!:-)

Sin Vs. Sins

2006-08-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

O.k. So thanks to the recommendation of my fabulous brother (Mark), the encouragment of my fantastic accountability partner (Rebecca) and the generosity of my wonderful linkgroup co-leader(Scott) I am now reading The Journey by Billy Graham. Yeah I guess it took that many people, a whole sermon series inspired by it and a span of 2-3 months for me to actually pick it up but regardless...It's on my night stand.
Anyway, mostly it is a book about a Christian's general journey of faith. Bill Graham brings the reader from a point of understanding that there is actually a God to ...well, I haven't finished it yet but I suppose to a life walking in faith and following Christ. It is very simple and an easy read. All stuff I have heard before and has served as a great reminder. However, I got to a place in the book where Billy Graham said something I had never heard before. Not that I have heard everything about Christinanity before but this book I had set in my mind to be about things I should know. And when I got to this point I was surprised and it got me thinking. Ok so this is what he said:

"When we use the word "sin," we usually think of our misdeeds-actions or habits we know are wrong. But those are specific sins, and they are the result of sin, the deeper spiritual disease that infects our souls.
Sin is the cause; sins are the effect. Sin is the tree; sins are the fruit. Sin is the disease; sins are the symptoms. Something is radically wrong with us-and that "something" is sin. Through self-discipline we might get rid of some of our sins, but our basic problem of sin remains untouched and untouchable, lurking just beneath the surface and ready to strike at any moment."

When I read this I was taken back by it. I guess I had never thought of the difference before. It is funny that I read this when I did, too, cause just this sunday Horizon Towson did communion. I always feel unworthy to take the cup and bread. I am reminded of Christ's death on the cross and just how sinful I am. The closer I am to God the more my sin is revealed to me...the more aware I am of my sinfulness.
I am in process in thinking about this...I welcome anyones feedback. Thanks

Editorial

2006-06-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

I wrote this editorial a while ago and promised Tali I would post it on my blog. So here goes...

The Metro..what?

The Metrosexual Man. Have you heard this new phenomenon flying around these days? The first time I heard someone utter these words in conversation I flinched and had to take time scanning my minds minimal vocabulary to decide whether or not this was a conversation I could hang with. I gritted my teeth and decided to politely ask for a short but thorough definition for these fine new set of words and was left wanting. I got an answer draped in sour faces and I am sure included the words “foo foo guy”. Realizing I wasn’t going to get much further I decided to drop the subject and to investigate the phenomenon myself. In need of info., I turned to my trusty Google .com and was surprisingly greeted with 35,700 results for the metrosexual man. Apparently, I was way out of the loop. As I clicked through the endless articles and editorials I discovered there to be a new breed or demographic of man. Male101.com defines this new breed as “One who appears to ignore gender and sexual preference stereotypes in order to present their style and/or to allow for himself to be more practical according to his environment”. One article from the new MSN states the metrosexual man to have been defined as “a straight, sensitive, well-educated, urban dweller who is in touch with his feminine side. He may have a standing appointment for a weekly manicure, and he probably has his hair cared for by a stylist rather than a barber. He loves to shop, he may wear jewelry, and his bathroom counter is most likely filled with male-targeted grooming products, including moisturizers (and perhaps even a little makeup). He may work on his physique at a fitness club (not a gym) and his appearance probably gets him lots of attention -- and he's delighted by every stare.” Another article from BBC news reports that the metrosexual man is “the type of man who'd rather have a facial than a pint of lager”

Some commentaries owed this new demographic to the rising popularity of the TV hit series “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”—the reality TV show where five gay men transform and make over a drab straight guy. Some claim that the term Metrosexual was coined by marketing gurus to “describe the kind of man who would give [style] a try” in order to produce a new focused group to try to predict coming consumer trends. Regardless of who is or isn’t to blame for this new trend in the male species, I had only one question. Is this type of man something that women are actually attracted to? Better yet, was this the type of man I was attracted to? As I continued to research I found that indeed certain women were attracted to this new demographic. I suppose I can understand the source of attraction. Some women, including myself, enjoy a well groomed man that smells good and dresses in style. I suppose it sounds ideal to be with a man who enjoys shopping with you or says more than “looks nice, honey” when he comments on your clothing or hair. But I wonder for myself, could I be with someone who primps in front of the mirror for hours on end or who spends more on hair products than I do. Could I stomach the occasional pedicure or manicure if all the while my “sweety” was gabbing along side me. Could I tolerate sharing more than half of the medicine cabinet with a man who exfoliated and plucked? I am not so sure. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for the man who doesn’t want to be pinned down by gender stereotypes and is secure enough in his manhood to show his feminine side. I am also supportive of the women who like that sort of thing. I can actually empathize with them to a certain degree. However, I find it hard to maintain some of the aforementioned feminine attributes myself; so to be with someone who is better at it than I is probably a bad idea. Besides what would this individual think of me? A good day for myself is a day I can wake up, skip the shower, through the hair in a ponytail, through on an old pair of jeans and get on my way. To me, things like weekly manicures seem a little much for woman or man. Give me a shaggy, scruffy kind of guy who cares more about his spiritual and mental grooming than his toes any day. Give me a guy who puts his money toward tithe and Gods kingdom instead of on weekly pedicures and facials. When it comes down to it I suppose the Metrosexual Man is just not my type and that’s OK. To those whose type they are, I say go for em’ and just know that I will be one less lady to worry about.

Before and After.

2006-06-02T12:21:00.000-07:00

Kitchen Before:

Kitchen After:

Living Room Before:

Living Room After:

Dining Room Before:

Dining Room After:

Well that is all so far. I am still decorating and I don't like the red on the cabinets that I did in the kitchen. If you have any suggestions to go with the yellow let me know. Hope to see everyone on Saturday so you can see it in real life.
Later

2006-05-26T05:46:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all (as "Missy" as I can say it)
This week has been good. The Lord has given me the go-ahead on the task Mark asked of me. I will be speaking about how to honor God as a single person in 2 sundays as a part of a 4 part sermon series on relationships. I was hesitant because I fight with the idea of someone with out a gift or a calling standing up in front of people they don't know and speaking into thier lives. I have spoken with several people who I consider wise and was reminded that not only a gift and a calling give a person authority to speak into peoples lives in that capacity but experience as well (my brother's point). I suppose I do have experience as a single person trying to honor God. I am sure I don't have it nearly figured out or perfected but I am trying. Additionally, I am sure I have no idea what it feels like to be completely content in singleness. With a desire to marry, is that even possible? Content some of the time...sure! But completely content? What does that even mean?
I am siked about speaking now only because I feel like there are some myths I would like to "debunk". Like how some of the natural feelings that come with being single along with having the desire to marry are not "o.k.". Somehow feeling lonely sometimes, wanting to be desired or desire someone else became something that I have felt shame over. Why is that? It's o.k. to have those feelings sometimes. It's what you do with them. How am I honoring God with these feelings? Are these feelings overwhelming or distracting? Do they lead me to make unwise choices?
Anyway, just some thoughts as I prep.

2006-05-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

Well, last night I painted. My living room is now Cajun Red...thanks to Clay and Allison Carver. (They recommended it) I have so much more to do.
Life is good. I am praying for guidance in regard to something my bro asked my pal Aaron and I to do one Sunday. Having feelings of inadequacy related to it....Is that vague enough! Hee Hee!! Buy me coffee if you are really curious.;-)
Link group is phenominal. It is growing and the people are blowing me away. There is so much I love about them all. I praise God for community.

Yay

2006-05-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

OHHHHHH MY GOODNESS!! Christina is going to be staying with me during the summer for 3 whole weeks. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited. Her and Ben will be bunkin in my house and hangin' out. I am soooooo excited to have them and I can't wait. I will be painting and decorating for thier arrival. Gizmo and George are excited too! Hee Hee.
I have been busy with life lately. I have been working alot of overtime to get my finances back to normal (after buying the house) and I am doin' alot of hanging out. Aaron, Scott, Rebecca and I have committed to getting together almost once a week to watch movies. Really, it's not the movies that are the appeal but the company and the really good conversation. I enjoy our hang out time alot. Well, more later...peace!

Moving the kitties and me!

2006-05-11T11:46:00.000-07:00

My bro's helping me upload all my stuff! Aren't they cute?

This is George and Gizmo on the car ride over to my new place. They were so scared.

Some of the peeps who helped me move!

My living room!

Gizmo looking out the window!

2006-05-02T14:48:00.000-07:00

O.k. So Christina has inspired me to blog again. We shall see how long I keep this up. Let's see...I bought a house. I moved in this last Saturday. Had lots of help and accomplished the move in 2 hours. It was sweet. So I have been in the process of unpacking. I went to turn in my keys at the old apartment complex yesterday and cried when I drove away. I have so many memories in that place. It really is an end of an era. Chris and I lived there for 4 years and Missy and I lived there for about a year...for a grand total of 5 years. Alot happens in 5 years. We got our kitties in that apartment, Chris got engaged on that porch, we've had 2 linkgroups multiply out of that apartment. I remember all the people that have come to visit us in that place, the Christmas parties and ladies nights. Oh the memories. It is a bitter sweet. Now to make new memories.

The house is awesome. It's old and a "fixer-upper" but so much fun. I tore up all the carpet to reveal great hardwood floors. My next project is my windows. Home owning is fun so far.
Well that is all for now...
Later
Jenn

What super hero am I

2006-03-23T23:59:00.000-08:00

You Are Lara Croft

"Everything lost is meant to be found."

What Superheroine Are You?

I have never seen this movie nor have I played the video game so....i am not sure what this means.

Pics

2006-01-12T18:31:00.000-08:00

Can't find the pics.....sorry!!!

So Long

2005-10-29T07:51:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day in the CT-ICU at UMMS. It is a bitter sweet really. I am having to say good bye to severl people that I have seen every week for the last 5 years. Dr. Ebright had tears in his eyes when he said he would miss me and some of the nurses have asked me to stay. My boss begged me to stay and said that I always have a position if I ever wanted to come back. I am sad and have realized that I have made several really close friends here. I never thought of people at my work as being close friends but I will truly miss some of them. I plan to visit and I already have "play dates" with a few of them. A couple told me that they plan to visit Horizon just to see me. Yay!
Well on to new things! I am excited about the change. Not that I haven't had enough change but the challenge will be sweet. I can't wait to bike to work and get to know the new friends I will make. So....so long to the following co-workers, don't be strangers:
Maybel Dellaflor, Mama Toni Molock, Mrs Argertha Johnson, Krissy Reith, Sandy Lovelace, Jolie Moncada, Patrick Luddy, Jonathan Ronquillo, April Bahruth, Regina Hogan, Nancy Klein, Heather Tillman, Anne Hall, Jenn Matvey, Jenn Massetti, Sandy Whitmire, Rochelle Norris, Michelle Scelsi, Sharrief Cloud, Mickey Johnson, Sara Alles, Jessica Webster, Chad Eckert, Todd Milliron, Robby Klawitter, Dr. Jamie Brown, Dr. Jim Gammie, Dr. Bart Griffith, Dr. Rob Poston, Dr. Robin Pierson, Dr. Mark Krasna, Dr.Ziv Gamliel, Dr. Mark Sommerville, Dr. Mike Ebright, Coordinators: Ruth Lee and Chris Couchman, Wendy Belica, Sara Swier, Placid Rozario, Tess Matheus, Xiabo Hu, Anne Anderson, Elaine Adams, James Drummond, Carla Palmer, Tyre from Organ Donor, Mindy from Nutrition, Chris Wells from PT, Dr. Rezza Abrishamchain, Dr. James Lopes, Dianne from 6 Gud., John Preto, Anna Long, April Ervin, Lashon Duncanson, Erica Tate-Souvenier Dr. Lamont Smith, Dr. Heidi Abdelhady, Dr. Jay Menaker, Jason, Carla and Rose from Pharmacy, Gigi from Repiratory and all the others.

I love and will miss you all!
Jenn

Birthday

2005-10-08T09:25:00.000-07:00

Well today is my birthday! I am 28 years old and feeling fantastic.
Here is some fun facts about today!
October 8 is the 281st day of the year (282nd in leap years). There are 84 days remaining in the year.
I found out that the following people have my same birthday:
1927 - Jim Elliot, American missionary
1939 Paul Hogan, Australia, actor (Crocodile Dundee)
1941 Jesse Jackson, clergyman/presidential candidate
1943 Chevy Chase, comedian/actor (SNL, Vacation, Fletch, Caddyshack)
1949 Sigourney [Susan Alexandra] Weaver, actress (Alien, Working Girl)
1950 Robert "Kool" Bell, rocker (Kool & the Gang)
1951 Johnny Ramone, rock guitarist (The Ramones)
1964 - CeCe Winans, American singer
1965 - C-Jay Ramone, American bassist (The Ramones)
1970 - Matt Damon, American actor
1955 Bill Elliott, auto racer (Daytona-1978)
1957 James DePaiva, actor (Max-One Life to Live)
1959 Tony Eason, football quarterback (New England Patriots)

Guess who died on my birthday:

1793 - John Hancock, American revolutionary and businessman (b. 1737)

Also in history on my birthday:
1871: A cow overturns a lantern in a barn, causing the 'Great Fire of Chicago'
2004 - Martha Stewart goes to jail.

Well that was fun!

Leaving CTICU!

2005-10-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

Well, my interview went well. They are excited to have me and teh unit sounds interesting. CTICU at UMMS has really given me good work experience and they liked my credentials. It will be very good to go to a slower paced unit where I won't be so stressed out all the time when I get home. I am excited.
The CTICU threw me a big party. It was great. Mrs. Toni, our unit secretary cooked and she makes the best fried chicken and rolls. I think I will miss her the most. She loves God and her and I encourage each other to be a light in this unit. She is always telling me how God is working in her life and I share my drama with her. She's great. I will miss her.
A lot of the doctors told me that they thought I was a good nurse and that they will miss me. I didn't expect that at all. One told me he would invest in my coffee house if I stayed...I think he was kidding...I think.
Anyway, I will miss this unit.

Femininity

2005-09-23T10:59:00.000-07:00

I am reading this book Captivity by Stasi and John Eldridge and needless to say it is really making me think. I have come to find that there are several points in the book I am not sure I agree with and several examples she gives that which I know I can't relate. She is a married women with children who struggles with depression and grew up in a home where a clean house and a meal on the table meant you where a good wife. I am not a wife, don't struggle with depression and grew up in a home where I was told I can do anything a man can do and was encouraged to work on my career so I don't have to "depend on a man". I am sure I can't relate... and I am exploring more than usual what is it to be a women of God and what it looks like to be feminine...a women.

I have thought in the past how do I, as a women, live my life trying to mimic Christ... to be "independent", yet dependent on my community and Christ, be strong yet gentle. It has been an interesting journey seeking women of great spiritual maturity to try to learn from. All of the women who have discipled or are discipling me are all different, have varying gifts and strengths but are all feminine in there own way.

I know young women my age who wake up and put a thick layer of make-up on (no matter where she is going...even to work out). [These girls]*edited* love pink and always wear skirts. I know [others]*edited* who barely own make-up, hate pink and wouldn't be caught dead in a skirt. I have girlfriends who love to cook, get monthly pedicures and cry at AT&T commercials... others that feel nautious entering a grocery store, spend there saturdays hiking and climbing rocks and can remember maybe crying 3-4 times in there life. I know some who go gahgah over the face of a toddler and still others that freeze when caught in the same room as one. All equally powerful women of God, holy, wise and graceful...all equally feminine in there own right.

So what is it to be feminine? With such a wide, complicated range of emotional tendency and character to choose from...no wonder they call us the more complicated of the sexes. I hate to think that there are women that feel that there idea of femininity is wrong or feel ashamed because they feel or act a certain way. Or that there are women who are afraid to share that they WANT to feel beautiful, they want to be saught after and desired. I hate to think that I feel that way sometimes...ashamed of a feeling that is O.K and natural!

How beautifully colored are the children of God...the women of God...How amazing a God that would create people the way He did to display such a variety and vast number of his glorious characterisitcs. Praise Him! I pray I display as many of those characteristics as He has blessed me with and that I am not ashamed of them. I pray, also, that I become more confident in my femininity and who I am as a women in Christ...whatever that means :)

Countdown

2005-09-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

Well lets see...
2 hours till Christina gets married
11 days till my interview at Sinai
21 days till I turn 28 years old
28 days till Christina comes to Maryland
42 days till I no longer work at the University of Maryland Medical Center
44 days till Halloween
47 days till I leave to go to Sebring with Aaron and Scott to see Christina
68 days till Thanksgiving
100 days till Christmas
106 days till New Years
151 days till Valentine's Day
182 days till St. Patrick's Day
205 days till Mark and Missy get married.
Hee Hee...

CHRISTINA IS GETTING MARRIED TODAY!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!

Labor Day and Catch-up

2005-09-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Labor Day everyone!!!
Well, things are good. I am at work right now and we are having a community lunch and cookin' hamburgers. mmmmm
Life is chuggin' away. I have decided to resign from my Senior Partner position here at UMMS and apply at Sinai. I feel this will be a good move for me cause I will get a sign on bonus and I can bike there. Its maybe a mile from my house and I will save on gas and parking. I plan to put the bonus in an ING account to add to Fatt Caff's start-up capital.
The coffee house has been put on hold for just a short stent. I have been dealing with some interesting life change and I had to take some time to chill. I will be up and running with in the next couple of weeks for sure. Yay!
I have been getting really excited about Kid Horizon. My roomy, Missy, and Kimme Cowan gave me some really cool books yesterday to facilitate some of the lesson planning. I am excited to see what some of the teachers do with it. I pray that kid Horizon makes the same impact on our kids that sunday school made on me.
Link Group is good so far. I missed last week cause I was ill but the people in my group are awesome. I am looking for potential leadership and hope that we can get the group to where it can multiply. I pray for health and Christ-centeredness.
I want to shout out to the people that I have been hangin' with lately that have taught me so much and have just been a blessing to me.
Christina--thanks for showing me what Christ-like looks like for a woman.
My bro -- thanks for showing me wisdom and true humility, I am proud of the way you are leading.
Missy--thanks for listening and loving my brother.
Rebecca--thanks for your encouragement, time and for loving me so much.
Lydia--thanks for being yourself and making me laugh
Aaron A.--thanks for your wisdom, integrity and insight. Also, thanks for listening and talking.
Shanon --thanks for your trust and transparency last night.
Ericka S.--thanks for your honesty and for being real last night.
Scott--thanks for leading so well and for caring so much.
Tali--thanks for asking the hard questions and for being patient with me.
Bender--thanks for your understanding.
Banks--thanks for putting up with me.
Tronster--thank you for your honesty
Leslie--thanks for showing me strength.
Much love to you all.

Roomy and Church

2005-08-19T12:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I moved my new roomy in yesterday. She has alot of really fun furniture and stuff. I can't wait to meet her kitty, Toby. Before, Mark and Missy got there to move stuff in I went in Chris' room to see if everything was the same as it was when I closed it up after Ben came and got the remainder of her stuff. It was... so the kitties and I sat on the floor and I couldn't help but remember the many nights Chris and I sat up in the very spot I was and talked about life and everything else . I thought how much I miss that but what a relief to have someone fill that space. I have liked living alone but I need someone to talk to when I get home. It has been a little lonely. I look forward to getting to know my future sister-in-law. I trust we will get along famously.
On a more serious note, Horizon has been going through some really interesing things to put it nicely. I have come to find more how amazing God is and how he always does provide. I have also come to know more closely and really respect the leadership that the Lord has risen up at Towson Horizon. Praise God! I am excited for the future of my church community and look forward to working with this group of leadership. Well more later.

Caleb

2005-08-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

Wow! what a weekend. Some dear friends of mine that I only met a couple months ago lost there son this weekend. Matt and Katie Stevens are a part of the sunday night prayer group I go to. On Friday of last week there son, Caleb, was killed in a car accident. How tragic. I was in shock and I can't believe that I just saw him a month prior. It is incomprehensible to me how a parent deals with something like that. He was only 10 years old and was an awesome kid. The Stevens family is one of the coolest families I know and they are so on fire for God. They work so hard serving Christ and doing what they feel God calling them to. They have such a passion for him. I have been praying for them the last couple of days and I have been praying the typical stuff when something like this happens...you know...for peace and comfort; support and hope. I trust he will provide those things. But I kept ending up asking God why and telling him that I just don't understand something like this. I went to the viewing yesterday and I just didn't know what to say. What do you say? I told them I was praying for them and that I loved them. I don't know... It is really hard to understand something like this. On a cool note, the skate park has finally got a name...The Caleb J. Stevens Memorial Skate Park. Praise God for that!

Romans 5

2005-08-01T05:42:00.000-07:00

Romans 5
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
9Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

HECK YEAH!

Christina is in Florida now :-(

2005-07-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

Well, my roomy is gone! :-( I am super sad. I've cried alot...and there is an empty room in my apartment that the kitties wander in and out of as if to say "where is my other mommy" :-( Oh well! She is going to have so much fun down there with her new hubby in her new home. Plus, I can call, e-mail and text message all that I want... and I will see her in October!!!! Yay!!!! It is amazing how we tend to take certain things for granted. I know I took for granted the fact that I could come home and talk about whatever whenever I wanted. Little things that wouldn't be worth calling for like "I talked to so-and-so today" or "This man cut me off on the road today". No need to call, no huge things had to happen for us to talk...we just did. I am going to miss that.

Well soon I will have a new roomy. Missy, Mark's fiance will be moving in with me. She will only be there till March or April...whenever they get there place. That should be good. Chris made a good point in that Missy will get a chance to know the "real" Jenn. Uh oh...watch out! I am different in public then I am at home. It's weird but my home is my sanctuary and I ... well I'm the same but different. Weird, I haven't thought it all the way through yet but I will. **Missy it's not that bad...I don't think*** Anyway!
Soooo...Seems to be that I emit some kind of faramone or something that whoever lives with me ends up getting married. Alicia (Dan's Wife) lived with me for a little, now Chris and soon it will be Missy. So any one lookin' to get married and lookin' for a roomy about April or so let me know. Hee Hee
Well that's all for now. Things are going to look quite different from now on. I look forward to it, I guess. This change means growth and I always look forward to that. Additionally, growth means a better Jenn Stephenson and I am always looking to be a better Jenn Stephenson.

Father, continue to grant me peace over these changes in my life. Your provisions continue to astound me and I look forward to see where you lead. I pray that you help me to remain focused on you and to never loose site of why you put me here. I pray for Christina and her new life. Give her peace, as well, as she learns how to be a wife to Ben. Draw them near to You as they grow closer to each other and may it be Your desire that they return to Maryland (on a permanent basis, Hee Hee) soon. Amen

Update

2005-06-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's day ten of ten twelves in the last two weeks... I am tired but light hearted. I have three days till I head to Cape Haderus including today. I am so excited to just lay around and read and get sun...woo hoo!
I have decided to stay till October at my job. I am interested in working on nurse retention and helping my boss during the time I have left. We shall see.
Well that is all for now.
Later

What's Up!

2005-06-11T09:36:00.000-07:00

Well, things have been kind of crazy lately. I haven't been getting any sleep... well I should say, as much sleep as I usually do. I've been tired. I worked this week 5 days, four 12's and one 8. Plus, I started running again...that wears me out a bit. Work is o.k., my boss is begging me to stay...believe it or not I am considering it. There are 10 nurses on my Unit leaving because of some politics and my boss is stressing. As senior partner, I know I can effect the morale on the unit and am considering staying a little while longer just to help out. I don't know...still praying about it.
The coffee house plans have taken an intersting turn. I am considering starting out by openning a venue in the Skate Park that is being planned. Of course, the people that I am working with have been praying that this be my decision for a while. I guess it took a while for me to hear God on this. I guess I am still not hearing him well 'cause I am not definite about it. Overall, however, it sounds like a good idea from a business stand point. I could start a small version of Fatt Caff in the skate park and target the younger market. Still do all the stuff I want to do with the "stand alone" Fatt Caff but vend drinks like Red Bull, Bawls...all those high energy drinks for the kiddies. The kiddies buy the foo foo slushy drinks that starbucks sells, too. I know how to make those. I believe I have the finances as of September to fully fund something like that and then I can gain the capital I need to start Big Fatt Caff. So that is where Fatt Caff is right now.

My link group is multiplying. Very exciting. I am looking forward to leading with my pals, Tali and Scott Jenkins. We should have a good group right off the bat...I am praying for health and growth.
I am very excited because soon...one week from monday...I will be driving to Cape Haderus to spend the week...until saturday... sunbathing and laughing with good friends. It will be a wonderful treat after this week and then next week working five 12's. Yay! Sun and fun!!!
Well, I guess that is all for now.

Accountability

2005-06-06T13:34:00.000-07:00

I think I have a stupid question...or maybe just a pondering if you will. Can you ever have too much accountability? I ask this because I feel that God has blessed me with some really amazing people in my life. He has put some ladies (men also believe it or not) in my life that I have learned to really trust. As of late, I have felt a pressing need for acountability and checking. I am in a place where there are private things for which I need councel. These people close to me have been in such places in there life where I value what they have to say to me. "O.K." you say "so what is the problem?" Well, I am a pretty private person usually and I fear having my "junk" in the hands of so many. Granted I trust this "many" but could I be too trusting? I have tight relationships with these people and would trust them with my life. So too trusting seems silly! I simply trust...period. Just some random thoughts.

Sunday Night

2005-05-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

Sunday night was probably one of the greatest nights I have had in a long time. Sunday nights are my night to spend with one of the most dynamic groups of people I have been a part of in a long time. We get together and talk about life. We confide in each other and talk about the crap that we struggle with. We pray, we laugh and enjoy each other. This is my link group. I love these people. Last night God spoke so much truth to me through these people. I feel like I am growing like I haven't in a long time. God is changing my heart and teaching me really cool stuff. Last night we talked about how we know when God is directing us in a certain direction. And how to love people that are tough to love. There is so much wisdom in this group of people that I was in awe. I didn't say anything almost the whole time because I was just soaking everything in.
The hearts of these individuals are amazing also. The are so on fire for what God is doing in the community and each of them has quit there job to do what God is calling them to do. They have such great faith and such great passion. I am so greatful to have these people in my life, it is an answer to prayer.

Lately

2005-05-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

Well, there are cool things going on. I have decided not to move. I am going to stay in the apartment that Chris and I live in and Missy should be moving in with me in August. Christina is excited and doing the ring/dress thing. How fun! Can't wait for the bachelorette party. What a celebration.
Work is winding down. People are starting to be more and more convinced that I truly and leaving the unit. One to different things. I am starting to develope some intersting relationships here at work as my time draws to an end. It is so weird how the Lord does that. I shall see what ensues from these new friendships.
The coffee shop is coming along. I have to admit I am not working as diligently on my business plan as I should be. I work a little on it everyday but I feel like I need a week to myself to just finish it. I investigated a property the other day that I thought would be ideal but that fell through. I guess the Lord thought otherwise. I have a feeling finding the right spot is going to be difficult.
I have been learning alot about words lately. God has been convicting me of how harmful words can be and I have been meditating on this verse. "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (Proverbs 12:18 ). I am discovering how difficult it is to control my tongue and words. And how do I balance that with the gentle, loving, jabbing that I have come to find so many horizonites appreciate. Its hard to filter when I am angry or frustrated. I am finding that I have to be in continual prayer about my heart. I am reminded of the verse in Luke 6:45 that says "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." This is my prayer "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."
Well that's it for now. Later

Change

2005-04-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

Well, life as I know it is about to change drastically. Spring is here and things are blooming and the like. I believe that I am about to go through some pretty big changes in my life. My beautiful roomate is in love. The sequences of events that follows feelings like her and Ben have only leave me standing at the edge of a very huge adjustment. My roomy of 5 years and very best friend faces decisions that I can only imagine are strange and exciting. Will she move? Will she marry? Will she find a church? Will she make friends? .....................What will I do without my roomy? Clay, likened it to a really big break-up. Lots of differences, one being...I have never been happier or more excited for my friend. I love my roomy and her happiness as of late is more than I could ask for. Praise God for change.
Life is about to wedge another huge adjustment under my 15 dollar American Eagle Grommet belt. Why the Father of this Universe wants me, of all people, to start Fatt Caff is beyond me. I am about to go to conveniently comfortable to purposely poor. Where will the Cafe be? Who will come? Who will come to know Christ by it? Can I do it? Will I do it right? Having the faith to jump, I think, isn't really the hard part...its dealing with the insecurities and doubt as you make your way to the edge.
Additionally, the summer brings my brothers fair lady. She will be here for the whole summer and will be very much building relationships and settling into the community. ...Ha, just had to go to a code... ok ...where was I? Oh yeah. This will be new and exciting. My lil bro and his babe, bein' around all summer. Will I get to know her better? Will we connect? Will she stay?
Never has there been greater change in my life than when God teaches me something new about the relationships I am in. My mind is changing...my heart is changing...my eyes are seeing differently. What once repelled now attracts...what once meant so much means so little. My Lord is stretching me and ya know...I don't mind.

Thanks

2005-03-26T11:14:00.000-08:00

Learning alot about relationships. I have discivered that I am not as clueless as I once thought. I love my friendships. I have amazing people in my life and I have learned alot from them. I suppose a shout out is in order...I want to say thank you to :
Christina for teaching me the importance of vulnerability
Mark for showing me how much I value listening
Rebecca for teaching me that its o.k. to talk about guys and for listening
Melanie for showing me what true forgiveness looks like and for listening
Leslie for showing me a different kind of leadership
Bethann for teaching me the importance of stepping out of my comfort zone
Clay for teaching me what true sacrifice looks like and for teaching me to think outside the box
Bender for teaching me what true humility looks like
Dave Reichley for teaching me to be real
My link group for renewing my passion in link group
Greg and Rachel for showing me what it is to really love and care for someone
Lydia for showing me the importance of being myself
Tali for reminding me of the power of prayer
Josh Smith for making me work harder to escape being 30 years old and single...hee hee
Later

Praying

2005-03-15T08:29:00.000-08:00

I have been doing alot of praying lately. Circumstances are such in my life right now where I can't think of what else to do. I am learning so much about relationships with people that it is changing my life. My views are changing and I am having to rely on the Lord to teach me the right ways to think. I have been praying on sunday mornings with Tali, Lydia, Banks and some others. We have been praying for the growth of our church and for the movement of the Holy Spirit through the lives of the people there. Those have been some very cool times. I have been praying every sunday night with the Hines', Bender and some new friends I have made. We are praying for guidance with the coffee house and the skate park. We have also prayed over our friends and have witnessed huge life change through that. The Lord has blessed me with amazing friends to pray with but he is also blessing me in the times its just me and him. I have been spending more time on my knees surrendering. Its amazing how simple my prayer becomes the longer I talk with him. I start to recognize how unnecessary speech is. I sit and listen and he knows my heart. Its also interesting how the more time I sit with him or talk with him the more I recognize how sinful I am. I am so sinful and I fall way short. He then reminds me of his ever so sufficient grace and I cry. These times of growth are painful...bitter sweet.

Father, forgive me for my sin that I know you are very aware of. Change my attitudes and ways of thinking so that I may better serve you and aid in the growth of your kingdom. Bless the friendships I have and I pray that I show them the love and grace that you show me. Give me an ever growing peace about the challenges that are near in my life and I pray for power and boldness in those endeavors. I love you. It is in Christ's name I pray.

No more nursing

2005-03-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

Well I resigned yesterday from my job..........Oh my goodness. This is really happening. I cried. It was really sad to tell my boss of 4 years that I am looking not to work there any more. She told me that she didn't want me to leave and that there is an option of moving to 10% (which is 2 12 hour shifts a month). I could do that but the pay would be much less than if I went supplimental staffing. Either way I get no benefits. I have alot of praying to do. I am siked because this sunday a bunch of us that are planning to go into business are getting together to pray. I love that...we have very similar visions and are in need of Gods direction. So anyway, I will cease to be a CT-ICU open heart critical care nurse come end of July. Scary...it's what I know and am good at. Openning a coffeehouse? Don't know and have no idea if I am good at it. Faith is hard, I feel like I am free falling! What a rush! :-)

The Run Down

2005-03-01T08:08:00.000-08:00

Wow! alot has happened since Christmas. Hmmm Lets see if my calendar can relive my last couple of months:
*Trilogy tuesday at the Reichleys--awesome
*Started accountability wtih Rebecca and Mel. Best ever. Love you ladies.
*Link group is growing and is amazing. shout out to my linky people.
*I preach... hello. Worst and best moment of my life. Oh how the Lord stretches me.
*Ben Ogden moves to Florida. My roomy is sad, lots of talking.
*Good hang time with Lydia Bandy, Jossy, and Ericka Sharpe
*Christina and I go to New York. Very Cool and a good break
*Work: People die, People live and my boss's expectations are increasing
*Lots of movie nights at the Reichleys. Absolute favorite activity!
*Snow!! Still have to work
*Ashleigh Parkers Wedding Shower! Weird but cool! She's getting married!
*Soccer with Banks and Rebecca, first and last time!
*Help with Capernum at Grace fellowship. That was awesome. Those kids are amazing.
*Hang time with Leslie, Mark and Bethtanne comes to visit. I love my friends.
*Super Bowl party... best part is that Chris and I went to Cheesecake Factory in the middle. yes!
*Coffee House, Coffee House, Coffee House..Research, writing, reading, talking...lots of time.
*Hang time at LochRaven wtih Hines Family, Bender and Sean
*I babysit on V-day. Cool! I can do it.
*Get very sick! Hacked up a lung.
*Jadon teaches me to snowboard. Ouch!
*Most incredible conversation with Kaggin at Link Group. God is working!
*CHICAGO FOR THE COFFEE FEST.---t'was incredible. Went with my mom and had a good time. Got lots of free stuff. Flew home in the snow without one problem. Praise God!

Now I'm home recovering from my trip...unpacking. I feel rested and am praising God for the canceled meeting today. The snow is gorgeous even though I don't like snow. God and I did alot of talking this weekend. My faith grows and so does my uncertainty. I guess that makes sense. I know I am in his hands and I pray I stay in His will. I am reminded of the verse about my weakness being His strength. No doubt. When this coffee house happens...there is no credit that is not to Him. I am not doing this!!!...Praise God for that. I would screw it up.

Merry Christmas

2004-12-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am sitting at work on Christmas day. I got a few minutes to sit and check e-mail and the like. My family called me 3 times today so far to wish me a Merry Christmas. I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful family. This, I believe, is the first Christmas that any of us have been absent. Mark has missed a couple of Thanksgivings but I don't think he ever missed a Christmas.

Anyway, I have been pensive as of late about things going on in my life. I have had a lot to think about.

2004-12-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

I am super bummed. I have to work on Christmas. I knew that I would but sometimes there is the potential to be on call. This year there are too many sick people. I told my parents to pray that I get off. God would have to work a miracle to do it. I know that he could I guess its a matter of if that is what he wants. Well I will spend Christmas Eve with Horizon Towson and then go home and sleep for the rest of the night. Then Christmas I will be right back here in the good ole' CT-ICU.
I guess I should count my blessings. Ben's family is going to be spending Christmas in the hospital too but it's becasue his dad is really sick. I prayed alot for him and Christina last night. I pray for Mr. Ogdens health as well. I guess I need to realize that all of the sick people that I am careing for don't get to go home either. How selfish of me! There are people who don't even have a family to go home to.
Well, I shall come to work tomorrow with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step! Maybe I will blog alittle more tomorrow.

Horizon Christmas Party

2004-12-10T11:27:00.000-08:00

Last night was Horizon's Christmas Party. It was so fun. I had the best time seeing everyone from Owings Mills who I havent' seen in forever. I miss all you guys. I also got to see my big bro and his sassy family. My neices and nephew are the cutest ever and just about the only kids I can tolerate for any length of time.
I met some new people from Owings Mills that Clay swears are really cool. I suppose I can trust him on that and I thought they were as well.
After a bunch of people left there was some serious dancing going on. My brother and I got to swing dance and that was awesome. I really got in the Christmas Spirit.
It is so amazing that the Holidays brings people out of the wood work. At that party I had people from my past and from my present. All of them knowing a little bit about me and me knowing a little part of them. All of us going through change and growth. It is exciteing to think of how I met all of those people. Some time in my life God crossed our paths and we spent (or are spending )a little part of life together. Who knows...maybe one or a few of those people will be in my future. I will be able tolook back at that party and remember when we met.
Huh! ***mouth open and hand on chin she continues to ponder***

Work

2004-12-04T14:25:00.000-08:00

My patient died today. Not too common in this unit really but it was a little different for me. I usually love the rush of a code and whenever we get someone back it feels good. Whenever we loose someone its sad but I always feel like we did all we could. Today I felt like we did too much. The women had been asystole without a pressure for 12 minutes and they were trying to put an ECHMO system in her. We were pushing Epi and Atropine every 2 minutes and had Vasopressin, Dobutamine, Epinephrine and Bicarb drips running wide open. We opened the chest at the bed side and were doing internal cardiac message and still were getting no pressure. No perfussion to any organ for 20 minutes, coding for 8 hours, 5 liters positive, bleeding from every tube and opening, mottled from head to toe and the attendings wanted to put a $10,000 pump in this womens already ischemic leg. There was a point that I actually prayed for the women's sake that the doc's would just give up. I prayed for her death. I am not sure what I think of that right now but these doctor's who try to be God didn't want to see the picture. They kept pushing and she had already gone, she wasn't coming back. I have to give it to them...they really wanted to save her but when its time, it's time. I found myself tired of this line of work. I don't want to see any more people die. I don't want to have to console another grieving loved one. I don't want to tag any more toes. I'm tired...

Love

2004-11-27T14:06:00.000-08:00

Ever since God brought Horizon into my life, I have been engulfed by the concept of loving people. Christ said basically "Love God and love people" (paraphrased of course). Sounds simple but those of us who are trying daily to do those two "simple" things know otherwise. Meeting people where they are, loving them for what they are, no matter who they are is what Horizon does. I have been fortunate to be a part of this church and to be discipled by someone who does these three things very well. Clay Carver loves people like no one I know. I remember a story he told once where his response to a friends gut renching confession of sin was "I never thought you were perfect and I love you just as much now as I did before we talked" Man, that revolutionized my thinking. To not let the sin in someones life surprise you and love them where they are.
Anyway...I guess the reason I say all this is that I want to love people the way Christ did. That is really hard to do and I would venture to say darn near impossible. How do we love those that take advantage of us or get under our skin. How do we love those that lie to us or try to hurt us. I know recently that Mark talked of loving your enemies for one of the Sunday Morning talks. Ok, but what if they really aren't my enemies. Maybe they just need help, I can't help them and they won't get it for themselves. I pray for them and ask to see these people through the Lord's eyes but it is so hard to know what that looks like. Do I confront, do I accept, do I cry with, do I pray with, do I show my hurt, do I give up and allow others more fitting to love and love from afar.
I have conquered alot of physical , mental, emotional and spiritual trials in my 27 years of life but I have to say that figuring out how to love people and actually loving them in a way where they feel and sense that love is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. Some harder than others of course but still hard none-the-less.

Coffee Talk

2004-11-19T13:33:00.000-08:00

I started working on my business plan last night. Man, is this going to be hard. I am not so sure I know what I am getting my self into. I have faith that the Lord who saved me will certainly help me do this. I got an e-mail from a friend over in Owings Mills who wants to talk with me about my vision of the coffee house. I can't wait cause this guy gets stuff done. He is a doer. I have met wtih so many people who want to help. I wish I knew what to tell them they can help with. I am getting super siked about writing my plan, though. That is new.
Anyway, I started this book that my bro recommended to me called The Preaching Life by Barbara Taylor. I have been pondering this idea of me speeking at church. Being part of a preaching team? Hmmmm. I don't have a problem with that, only I really feel that whoever is up there on sunday morning should know that they have some calling to be up there. I am not so sure I have that calling. This has been the subject of much prayer as of late and I am sure it will be revealed to me. But for now, I will work on enhansing whatever skill is to be had in this area of ministry and see what doors come open.
Until later, yours truly!!!

My week

2004-11-17T14:48:00.000-08:00

Retro 2 sunday's ago was awesome. All of the Horizon peeps came out in there 70's get up. I have to give major props to the ladies. I must say that the females really out did the guys this year. There was the occasional few, like Banks, that put one in for the guys but over all the ladies won.
My kitty ran away last week but he came back the next morning. In the process, Christina brought home a new kitty. She is so cute. I call her Fatty. Now we have three, George, Gizmo and Fatty. I don't think Christina will let me keep the new one though. I can see myself as one of those old spinsters with all the cats...............Interestingly, that idea is pleasing to me at this moment.
Ashes Remain played at the Pour House this last Sunday night. They sounded really cool. I had never heard them acoustic before. My friend from work came with me and a new girl at church looking to move to Maryland. The place was packed out. Man, I know I need to get this coffee house off the ground. I need to get off my rear and do it....such is the source of much anxiety for me right now!
Anyway, last night I got to hang out with Rebecca and Suzanne. Those ladies are the tops. We talked of what we find attractive in guys. It was very freeing. It was also very revealing. I know myself better now. That's always good. Ahh girl time. I love it.
Yay! tonight is linkgroup. That is always a highlight. We have some tremendously rockin' people in our linkgroup. Why has God blessed me, by letting me know such people. Well, more later.

Coffee back in my life!

2004-11-06T09:27:00.000-08:00

This week was fun. Tuesday, I got some hang time with Mel Reichley! I met her friend Bridget. She rocked and she is coming to Retro this weekend. Yay! Wednesday, I got to hang with my bro again. That was cool cause we went to Bahama Breeze. I love that restaurant. Thursday, Rebecca, Megan Wise and I went shopping for our 70's clothes for Retro. Major props to those ladies for hangin in the rain. We put some Horizon fliers in a really hip boutique down there. I love shopping. Ok! so I am a girl..........shoot me why don't you! Anyway, then I met with a guy from Horizon to talk a little about his vision for a skate park in Towson. That was cool cause we share similar visions only mine is coffee house in nature. It got me thinking and praying about my vision for a coffee house again. I have put this coffee house thing off way too long. I prayed alot about it that night. The next morning God confirmed His direction for me in a big way. I need to get off my rear and get to it. And I need to stop depending on all these people for confidence and vision. God has given me vision and desire. I just need to have faith and follow. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! I am super scared.
Last night was awesome. My friend Kyle and I went to a Baltimore Blast game and stayed after to see a Jeremy Camp concert. Jeremy Camp rocks! He is a phenominal singer and his lyrics are stellar. We saw a bunch on Horizonites there. Cool!

This Sunday is Retro! I am so siked. Beth Ann is coming up for it and a bunch of people from my work said they were going to stop by. Yay!!!!!!!! I have loved the last 2 years and I have a feeling this one is giong to be just as good. Until then.

Woooooh

2004-10-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

Wow! this week was crazy!!!! I think I was home maybe 9 hours total that I wasn't sleeping. I got to hang out with Horizon people all week... bonus!!!!
Saturday was my 1/2 marathon and Rebecca, Banks, Mark and Missy came to see me along with my parents. That was fun. Banks and Rebecca made me signs and came to cheer me on. It was a fantastic surprise.
Then Monday, I got to have dinner with my bro. Always a good time... he makes me laugh. I went from dinner to have coffee with Kelly. I love that girl. Her and I need to hang more often. Then on Tuesday, I went to see Kyle, Norm and Liz at Art with a Pulse. That was fun. Kaggin came with and she got to see Kyle do his handy work. The kids got talent. I went from Art with a Pulse to Chili's to have dinner with Rebecca. She is just about the coolest lady on the planet. I always have great conversations with her. She took a hundred pictures of me for the web site and kept bumping into the wait staff. It was hilarious. Saw Josh and Courtney there having dinner and got to chat with them a bit.
Wednesday, I got to go to the Science Center with Mel and Jake Reichley. That was awesome. They have changed it so much since I was a kid. We got to play with fun science stuff and then went to the IMAX to see African Safari. That was a really good time. I went from the Science Center to meet Andrea B. at the mall for dinner. I had never realized but she is super responsible for lots of people. She owns her own Bath & Body Works. Man, is she talented. Then it was off to my house to meet Ben O. and Jeff Mount to practice for sunday worship. I am super siked about worship this sunday. I get to go to Owings Mills and see some peeps I haven't seen in a while. I also don't get the oppurtunity to lead with Ben a whole lot and I value his insite on leading worship. I am continuously humbled by the phenominal musicians I get to sing with. Then, of course, off to Pizza Hut night. Only, that turned into a party at Tronster's and all the Towson peeps where there. Bravo, Tronster for hosting a brilliant event...as always. Thursday and friday I worked but friday night I got a chance to hang with the Foster's. They are Owings Mills people and it was cool learning more about them. I like getting to know new people.
Tonight I get to chill at the Daily Grind with Jess, Christi, Mike, Kaggin, Meg and Dave (maybe), Bekka (hopefully), Lydia and maybe Rebecca again. My link ladies... yay!!!!!!!! (Oh yeah and Mike :-)) Plus I think (for an added bonus) Beth Ann will be joining us. She will be up for the weekend and she told me last night that she might try to stop by. Wooooo Hooooo! Holy Cannoli!
Well, this is kind of how my weeks go but this week was extra crazy and mucho fun. More later.

Seasons

2004-10-09T06:04:00.000-07:00

I forget who I was talking to one time who told me that they think friendships come in seasons. I guess I believe that to a point but sometimes I think that sucks. There have been a few friendships I have had recently that have (for lack of better words) puttered out. These were friendships that I held very dear and for one reason or another they kind of ...well... aren't there anymore. The reasons were valid and maybe even appropriate. I realize that God puts people in our lives for certain reasons and I do believe that people can be a part of my life for a season but I miss my friends. I miss talking with them and sharing with them. Granted there are new friendships developing and they are sweet (to say the least) but that doesn't change that fact that there are relationships void.

Along with those I miss is my roomy. I am busy and she is busy. We both are spending alot of time with those in our link group and other friends. We could make the time but we don't or something comes up. We pass each other in the morning and sometimes at night before we both fall dead from exhaustion. Those times are nice and usually interesting but we haven't had a whole lot of QT. It is understood that we have alot going on but I miss my friend regardless. I have never realized how much I value Quality Time until this season of my life.

I have concluded that the relationships that I have had recently that may have been there only for a season are worth reinstituting. I want to seek Gods timing and guidance to see if these friendships can still be and if so, how. It is worth it to me to investigate. As for my roomy, I refuse to believe our friendship is only for a season. She is (and has been from the start) a lifer and she is stuck with me whether she likes it or not. It may be that our busy times are only for a season and we must work harder to hang out. It is most definetly worth it to me.

Run-Of-The-Mill

2004-09-18T05:21:00.000-07:00

This last week has been less than exciting. It is interesting how one can have so much going on, with agendas galore yet feel like life is so boring. This last week was busy and I filled my days with work, linkgroup and meeting with people. All of these activities were fun and had their own blips of excitement but basically it was a run-of-the-mill week. I found myself without anything to be really excited about. My link group multiplied this week. That was exciting but it was also bitter sweet. I am going to miss the people that multiplied out of our group. Work hasn't changed at all, just responsibility, stress and death. Same ole' stuff. I wonder if my Lord is giving me a time of rest. If this is so, then why do I feel so restless? I feel like I need some excitment, something that gets me on my feet and makes me want to run 2 marathons. Something new and fresh. I feel the need for adventure. Father...honestly... I don't know what to ask for, but whatever it is that I need (that which you know) please give me the patience to wait for it. If there is anything that I know, it is that You provide and You give me nothing less than what I need. May I trust in your promise of this and be content where ever you lead me.

Taking Off

2004-09-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

Oh wow! I am super siked!!! Have you ever been a part of someones life right when they are starting to "take off". By "take off", I mean this person has made a decision to follow Christ and they have really started to live it. They get so excited about how God moves and it seems like the Holy Spirit has lit a match under their rear. They start needing more and more discipling and they start to "get" what it means to be a follower of Christ. They start stepping up into leadership and start discipling people themselves. I have been so blessed to be a part of the lives of many people like this because of Horizon. There are three, however, that I have had the priviledge to really know. I have seen there conversion (or close after) and have seen there rapid growth. Surrounding myself with these people helps to revive me. I get so inspired by them and my passions are renewed. They ask questions that stimulate my brain and they have the most creative ideas. Lately, this person in my life has been a dear friend Rebecca Miller. She is so awesome. She loves people so well and her enthusiasm is contagious. She will be baptized this sunday and she called me the other night to plan a girls night. I love to see the passion she has for the girls of Horizon and I can't help but jump along side her. I pray for the excitement and passion that these people in my life have had and I pray that I regain my "new-Christian" fire. I couldn't get enough either. I pray that these brothers and sisters of mine never loose there passion. Father, may I help these individuals grow as they do me and may the fruits of Your Spirit be evident to all who we come in contact with us. Amen

Whatever!

2004-09-13T15:02:00.000-07:00

Well, there is so much going on lately that I don't really know what to post. Thursday I got to hang out with Jon Rogerson and Josh Harding. We practiced for worship on sunday. They are hilarious and I always have a good time with them. Then, I got a chance, this weekend, to hang out with Mark's friends from seminary (Chad and Jason). They are such quality guys and really fun too. We went to The Paper Moon. What a phenominal diner. It has to be one of my favorite places to eat. Sunday morning was awesome. My brother gave an incredible message. I love listening to him. There were alot of new people at church this sunday. A friend that works with me came with her boyfriend and she really seemed to like it. I was so excited that she wanted to come. My roomy and I got a chance to hang out some more this weekend. It is insain how we can go days without even seeing each other. Well, I guess that is it. There is so much more but I haven't had much time to think lately so I will try to fit that in now. :-)

A truly blessed woman

2004-09-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was awesome! I woke up at approximately 11:30pm (it was my day off). I roled out of bed and played with George a little (our cat). I read a bunch in the book I am reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. Good book so far. I recommend it for good insight into the world of men, which God knows I need. I am Queen of Clueless when it comes to how guys think. This is not news to anyone, I am sure. Then I got to hang out with my brother. I love him. We have gotten to know each other quite quickly since he has been back from Texas and I am enjoying every minute of it. We talked about all kinds of stuff and he talked to me more about his girl. I look forward to meeting her this weekend. I think we will get along famously. Then we went shopping a little and I had to say good-bye only to meet three of the coolest ladies at Horizon for a chica pow-wow. Melonie Reichley, Rebecca Miller, Leslie Webster and I all went to see Maria Full of Grace at the Charles Theater. A little heavy but a cool movie and its in subtitles...even better. Then we all went to Vacarro's and had coffee and pastries. We talked about all kinds of stuff too...from Rebecca's attempt at setting me up with a med. student to an American Indian Pow-Wow experience the preceeding Saturday. I loved every second of it. I realized in the midst of my drive home from that night (and even in the middle of the day a bit) that I am a blessed woman. The Lord has surrounded me with the most amazing people and when I get a whole day of hanging out with them I feel refreshed and energized. I have alot of people in my life who challenge me and who encourage me. And these are quality people. I am truly a blessed individual.

Freak

2004-08-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

So, I have been thinking a little about something that my bro said in his message on sunday. He was talking on Acts 10. He went into the story of Cornellius and how Peter was told by God to "get up" and go spread the Gospel to the Gentiles. Through this story, Mark asked "who is the gospel for?" He helped us to see how the Gospel is for all of us, no matter how much of freaks we are. He told us to face the fact that all of us are alittle weird...have a little freak in us. I thought about this point for a while. Alot of people might not think of me as a freak or weird. It has been said that I have a high level of social intellegence, for whatever that is worth. However, I think I scare people sometimes. I have noticed, from time-to-time, whenever I am trying to make people welcome I am in actuality making them feel uncomfortable. I will, in an effort to create small talk, say something weird or dumb. I usually can sense when this happens and I back off, but i wish I could stop it before it happens. There is alot to be said for holding the tongue and seeking a spirit of wisdom. However, it is hard to break the ice if you are constently holding your tongue. I guess the small talk is in love in an effort to try to get to know the person but I find it hard to balance the two. "Father, I pray for wisdom and discernment in the things I say. Help me to approach new-comers to Horizon in love and gentleness. Help them to see You in me and I acknowledge that it is by Your Spirit that people continue to come back to Horizon, not my choice of words. May all I say and do be for Your glory and Your glory alone. Amen

Growth

2004-08-27T05:41:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how much we grow in the midst of things that are a struggle for us. When things get tough and we perservere God always teaches us so much. I have had some tough times in relationships with friends of mine. I have had to deal with some pretty sensitive issues and had to say some pretty hard things. The Father has allowed me the oppurtunity to swim my way through some tough times with people very close to me. This is interesting because through some recent events I have had a real peace about Gods provision on those situations. He has directed me to respond in wisdom and has shown me how to love in the midst of hurt. I continue to try and have healthy relationships with those I am close with but it isn't easy. I guess God never promised that it would be. Additionally, I am in awe of how he continues to provide for me in my relationships and how he has continued to grow me. I hurt, I cry but I learn and I grow. I guess He also never promised growth wouldn't hurt. Well, if the result of these painful events in life is growth...I say "bring it on!". May our Lord and Father see all the glory from it.

Silence

2004-08-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I just got back from dropping my friend Beth Ann off at her school in Lynchburg. I am going to miss her a bunch. It was a good time. I got to hang with her and her family. I was truly blessed this summer to get to know her. I can't wait till she moves back.
I drove the entire 4.5 hours down to Lynchburg in silence. It was the most sprirtual time I have had in a while. No music or radio. I started the trip with about 30 minutes of bible on CD and the rest of the trip I spent in silence. It is amazing how our Lord takes oppurtunities like that to speak to us. He helped me to come to some pretty cool conclusions about my life. I love it when he does that. I need to spend more time in quite just listening to him. I gain so much. I think of Elijah and his time alone. God prepared him for major events and spoke to him in a time of silence. I shall stop more often and quite myself. What amazing thoughts and ideas await me. Until then.

Later

Dying

2004-08-10T15:01:00.000-07:00

Someone died today at work. Its really amazing how after being a nurse for only 3.5 years that I could become so cold to the concept of a loved-one dying. Of course these people are not my loved-ones but they are someones. I experience death about twice a week working in the CT-ICU. People who are further along in age than I am die of heart disease and other gerontologically induced diseases and it just gets to be part of the job. They pass, I comfort the best I know how, we pull out lines and tubes, tie their hands feet and jaw, put them in a big white bag (after the family has left of course) and send there family home with a "grief packet" and a box of tissues. Of course we are as accomidating as possible and we allow them as much time as they need with there family member but something seems so sterile and void about the whole process. There are legal, political and policy issues involved so we have to follow proceedure but through all the documentation, the organ donation and legal mumbo-jumbo the heart and soul of the deceased gets lost. I often wonder if the passed knew my Lord, Jesus or if the family does. Therapeutic communication warrants my refraining from teling them about Him and sticking to the post-mortem protocol. That protocol being: ask if they want to see a chaplain, if they don't drop the subject and give emotional support. I guess there is a time and a place for everything and I know that if the Lord would have me talk with them about Him, he would open the door to that oppurtunity. Anyway, I have never experienced death of a close loved-one. I count my blessings, that is for sure, but I can not really relate. I have a friend who used to be a chaplain and he had so much pain in his own life that he empathized with every family he worked with. He got so drained and his life view changed to seeing the world as a world in pain. He never saw the joy in things and he suffered in his own past of pain because of it. I could never do that I would surely have a mental breakdown. I guess there is something to be said for cold sterile proceedure. It protects the heart.

I swore I would never...

2004-08-09T13:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I have a blog...Wierd. I swore that I would never have a blog but here I am. So, why the change? Well, I used to think that keeping a blog was kind of like stripping naked, taking pictures and posting the pictures on-line. Thus is my reason for avoiding this little adventure. Putting my personal thoughts out in cyberspace for anyone to read is a very vulnerable thing to do especially for someone like myself who has a tendency to be closed. Anyway, there are a couple of reasons that brought me to feel more comfortable with the idea. The community of Horizon has been exploring the concept of risk lately and I, like many in this church, have decided that I need to be willing to take more risks. Not risk for risk's sake but for the furthering of the kingdom. Not sure how God will use this yet but we shall see. I also have been reading the blogs of those close to me and I have truly enjoyed them. I have learned so much about my brother Mark, Horizon planters Dave and Clay , my beautiful friend Beth Ann and my linkgroup partner in crime, Dave. I guess I can add alittle nonsense to the mix. Mostly, I guess I am trying to be more open and I want the people I love to hear whats in my head. I have no problem saying alot of things but it always sounds better when I write it down. So starts my adventure into the world of blogging and I hope my boring thoughts put you all to sleep.